While in seminary, I was the
white pastor of an African-American congregation. I had grown up in a family that made racist remarks on occasion and in a community that was completely bereft of African Americans. Racial slurs coming from the mouth of my friends were not uncommon, nor were racially derogatory jokes. My father once, upon seeing a mixed-race couple in a car, exclaimed to my sister and me that he'd better never see us do anything like that. When filling out my housing application for college, he made me write in the "Special Considerations" section that "I am a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant with deep Southern convictions." I remember those words exactly because they troubled me considerably. This was 1980. I had been a voracious reader growing up and had read a lot about racism in the South. (I know there is racism everywhere, but I mention the South because of what Dad made me write.) I was from poor, rural Kentucky and had no "deep Southern convictions" of the kind he had in mind. I nevertheless complied.
Seven years later, I went to this African-American congregation with the naive notion that my commitment to the gospel and my conscious repudiation of racism had eradicated it from within me. Simply put, I was wrong. Regardless of my conscious decisions and my exercise of will, there were times when I was afraid while walking in my own neighborhood at night. I would meet an African-American male or a group and would sometimes think, "I wonder if they know who I am. If they don't know, I wonder if they will attack me for being a white guy in the black part of town at night." During the four years I was there this fear eventually left me, but at first it was pretty powerful. I didn't want to be afraid. I consciously repudiated whatever it was that was bubbling up from within me, but it was there nonetheless.
Early in seminary, in a Pastoral Care and Counseling class, I began to learn about unconscious behavior, about family-systems theory that talked about individuals fulfilling roles because the family system demand they do so, and about the notion of the shadow. (Some people feel that the very terminology of the shadow and its negative connotations is itself racist. I haven't decided what I think about that, but I will use the familiar terminology of the shadow for clarity.) The shadow might be understood as everything about oneself of which one is not consciously aware (Jung), or it might refer to the aspects about oneself that one doesn't want to acknowledge and so it gets repressed (Freud). In this second understanding of the shadow, it is almost completely negative. I do think this is true and that it plays itself out personally, socially, societally, and systemically.
Early in seminary, in a Pastoral Care and Counseling class, I began to learn about unconscious behavior, about family-systems theory that talked about individuals fulfilling roles because the family system demand they do so, and about the notion of the shadow. (Some people feel that the very terminology of the shadow and its negative connotations is itself racist. I haven't decided what I think about that, but I will use the familiar terminology of the shadow for clarity.) The shadow might be understood as everything about oneself of which one is not consciously aware (Jung), or it might refer to the aspects about oneself that one doesn't want to acknowledge and so it gets repressed (Freud). In this second understanding of the shadow, it is almost completely negative. I do think this is true and that it plays itself out personally, socially, societally, and systemically.
During the time I was there, I read an
article about social justice by, I think, the General Board of Church and
Society of The United Methodist Church, my particular denomination. It suggested, in order to understand systemic
injustice as distinct from personal prejudice, that the reader walk around
their own neighborhood and simply pay attention to the condition of the
sidewalks. I did just that. I walked all over that small town in central
Kentucky, noticing nothing but the sidewalks.
In the affluent parts of town, the sidewalks were perfect. In other parts of town, they were functional
but not perfect. But in the parts of
town in and near the housing projects (where I lived, by the way), the sidewalk
might as well not be there. Chunks of it
were missing. Sometimes it would
disappear for blocks. Sometimes adjacent sections
of the sidewalk might be inches or even a couple of feet apart in height, like
an earthquake had hit it.
I delved
deeper into the concept of social justice, and I learned about systemic
classism, systemic racism, systemic sexism; and I would soon couple that with
systemic heterosexism. There are
structures in place that benefit some people at the expense of other
people. This is not the same as personal
prejudice. Sometimes people with no
personal prejudice benefit from these structures without even realizing
it. Look at me, a white, straight,
male. I benefit from systemic injustice
without even wanting it. People treat me
differently simple because of this.
Sometimes, though, structures exist to enact prejudicial treatment,
while masking the personal aspect of it.
“I’m not racist, but there are laws against whites and blacks going to
school together.” “I’m not sexist, but
the rules say that only men can be in this club.” This systemic expression of the shadow goes beyond the personal.
I saw this in action after an
instance of racial violence in the high school while at the congregation I've been talking about.
As my congregation expected its pastor to be active in the community to further and to protect its interests, I was part of the conversation
afterward. Sometimes the school
administration invited me to meetings about the event that it didn’t invite the
African-American pastors in town (see my above comments on white
privilege). I guess they thought I was
on their side. Here’s their side: The
black kids, of course, started the fight that turned into a riot. They started the fight by being on the wrong
side of the hall. In the mind of these
(all white) administrators, the African-American kids were in the wrong simply
by being in the “white” zone. This was
in 1990, if you can believe it. Believe
it.
Another instance involved small
children being terrorized on the bus by others writing racial slurs in the fog
on the bus windows. The mother reported
this, and the administration’s response was basically, “Kids will be kids.” They did nothing. This mother and her two small children sat in
my living room, telling me about it.
They were hoping and expecting that I could do something about it. I did speak to the school administrators, but
they didn’t think it was important enough to worry about. In the end, the only thing I could do was to
tell those children that they were beautiful, that God had made them with skin
that is a beautiful color just like God made me with skin that is a beautiful
color, being “black” was beautiful just like being “white” was beautiful, that
the kids who wrote those mean things didn’t know that yet, but that maybe they would
learn it someday. The mother wept and thanked
me, saying she’d never heard a white person say anything like that before. That’s quite a “something” that happened to
me, something that has changed me forever.
My last post in this short series will apply my North Star of biblical interpretation and my understanding of the personal and systemic shadow to the issue of gay rights. Once again, I want to thank you for reading this. I know that the forthcoming post about gay rights will contain opinions and perspectives with which some of you will not agree. I can only offer them as my own. I love you and respect you, but I wholeheartedly think that Christians who oppose gay rights are misusing the Bible and are engaged in behavior, whether conscious or stemming from the "shadow," that systemically oppresses a class of people. And, if you are one of those persons, I will oppose you.
No comments:
Post a Comment